


fear is the heart of love

by Empathy_Supremacist



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Broken Engagement, Dreams and Nightmares, Fluff and Angst, Forced Arranged Marriage, Ghosts, Horror, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:20:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28477554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Empathy_Supremacist/pseuds/Empathy_Supremacist
Summary: "Qian Kun,"Cold hands cupped his face."Soon you will be my groom,"Lucas kissed his forehead.Kun closed his eyes, accepting his fate.
Relationships: Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Qian Kun, Qian Kun/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas
Comments: 4
Kudos: 24
Collections: #KunFanWeek2021





	fear is the heart of love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I feel so close but yet so far away  
> Can’t see when my eyes are covered with white noise  
> Time eats away our faith, making us feel exhausted  
> Try to let go but I can’t 
> 
> Who holds the truth?  
> Someone testing me  
> Took my energy  
> What was left for me  
> Hibernate within my dreams, waiting to wake up  
> Going against the wind to rebel against destiny,"
> 
> WayV - Only Human

Kun scribbled on the paper, trying different formulas to get the right answer for practice questions before the end-semester test.

He pretended that he didn’t hear the conversation his parents had before in the living room.

He pretended that he didn’t hear the messenger from Wong family offering financial help for his family.

He pretended that he didn’t hear his parents, without asking him first, accepting the offer right away.

He pretended that he didn’t hear how grateful his parents before they realized they had to tell their one and only son.

"Honey,"

Kun put his pen down as he reluctantly turned his head to his standing mother, changing his focus from his questions to her, "Yes, Mom?" 

"We have good news for you,"

Even if he already knew the next words, he's still not ready.

Would never be ready.

"You will be a fiance for the son of Wong family," her frail, aged fingers gently grip his shoulders, "He is a good young man. He will love and protect you for the rest of your life,"

"You'll be married after your 22nd birthday," his father added as he stood beside his mother, convincing him with more hopes to make him said the expected answer, "You still can continue your education. They will even pay for your college, too,"

He hated the lump on his throat. He wanted to puke, to cry, to scream at the injustice that he had to endure because he was born to a poor family.

He wished he could say no, loudly.

"Alright,"

His mother pulled him in a tight hug, "Thank you. Thank you so much," 

Kun felt one tear sliding down his cheek.

He pretended that he didn’t know his future husband was already dead.

...

_"I heard that Qian's child engaged to Wong's,"_

_"They must be crazy, marrying their dead son to someone alive,"_

_"No wonder. Their son is even crazier dan scarier than them. Remember what he had done to Huang's child?"_

_"How can I forget that. It still gives me chills,"_

_"Even if he's dead, he still causes a ruckus,"_

_"He's a monster,"_

_"I wonder how much they pay to Qians to get their son,"_

_"They are such terrible parents,"_

_"Greedy,"_

...

Kun slowly sat upright. He remembered falling asleep in his new bedroom after putting his belongings and having silent dinner with his future parents-in-law, not a pavilion. As his eyes carefully looking around, he realized that it's a completely different garden than the one he saw before entering the Wong residence. Everything outside the garden was covered by fog. It gave him the feel of Heaven's garden like in the myth.

This must be a dream.

Shortly after, he heard footsteps. 

The footsteps were from someone in a white suit that approaching him. He was tall, taller than his tallest friend in school. Maybe even taller than his sports teacher.

Kun stood up, carefully stepped outside the pavilion. 

When they were only a meter apart, he finally recognized who was the mysterious person.

His fiance.

"Hi," the person waved a little, followed by gummy smile plastered on his face, "I’m Lucas,"

He seemed nice, Kun thought as he bowed, "My name is Qian Kun. Nice to meet you," he introduced himself.

"Qian Kun,"

Shivers crept down his spine as his name was spelled by his deep voice.

Lucas closed the distance between them.

Their eyes locked to each other. 

Cold hands cupped his face.

"Soon you will be my groom,"

"And we will be together forever,"

Lucas pressed a kiss to his forehead.

Kun closed his eyes, accepting his fate.

...

_"You got what you want, right? Now, please, leave us alone,"_

_"But why does he have to stay here?"_

_"Because Lucas want it,"_

_"Whatever,"_

_"Shush, watch your mouth,"_

_"Sorry,"_

_"Sorry, Lulu. Your Mom doesn't mean it,"_

_"Yes, Mom so sorry. Do what you want, but please don't hurt us again,"_

...

As time passed, Kun didn’t expect Lucas to be such a childish and spoiled man who starved for affection, which sounded hyperbole but true. It's the polar opposite to his previous assumption that the young man was arrogant and cold like his parents, typical rich people stereotype. That's why every dream would Kun spend to take care or spoil Lucas.

Playing with him, reading a story for him, feeding him with foods that magically there, cuddling him, and so on.

It’s like Lucas was his little brother instead of his future husband. A little brother that he wished to have since he was seven.

Despite being a bit scared and cautious at their first meet, he didn’t expect that he would grow fond of him eventually. That's why after hard days ( _tiring school, judging eyes from neighbors, cold welcome from Lucas' parents_ ), he would find relief and joy and healing in interacting with Lucas. 

"Wong," the man who slept on his thighs stared at him, eyes radiating confusion and question. Kun just smiled, "I wonder why your surname sounds odd,"

Lucas chuckled, wearing a beaming smile, "I was born in Hongkong before moving to Fujian when I was in junior high school. I think it's supposed to be Huang in Chinese,"

"Ah, I see,"

"Kun," he poked at the tip of his nose, lips pursed into small pout, "I want orange,"

"Alright,"

Like magic, the once empty space beside him now there's a plate of fresh peeled oranges. Kun picked one piece, stared at it for a while.

Happiness.

Like Lucas.

"Now open your mouth,"

Like an obedient child, Lucas did what he told and happily munched it. 

"You are such a big baby," Kun ruffled the young man's hair. 

His fiance giggled with the same beaming smile again, the kind of smile that he would never get tired of seeing

...

Kun shouldn't have visited his home.

He shouldn't have expected them to greet him like truly caring and good parents.

He shouldn't be going somewhere without telling Mr. Wong or Mrs. Wong. 

He should have gone home to his new home and ate and slept like the obedient boy he's supposed to be.

"Lucas,"

"Yeah?"

"Your parents must be spoiling you so much when you're alive,"

Lucas's smile gone, eyes darted from Kun, "No. They never spoil me since I was a child. They only force me to study study and study," he spat with venom.

Not so different than him, huh?

When he thought that Lucas was better than him who lived poorly since born.

"They never allow me to play with the other children and my classmates. They always put me in courses; piano, swimming, violin, math. I failed _gaokao_ twice. That's when I'm done with studying. When I just have fun for the first time, I had an accident,"

"Sorry,"

Kun stroked his back carefully, trying to soothe the simmering anger and hatred inside the young man.

It gave him a goosebump.

"Just because I have lot of money, doesn’t mean I’m free and happy all the time," 

That's exactly like Kun's recent life.

He could buy anything he wanted now.

But he wasn’t free,

He wasn't happy. 

...

Kun realized that he's already in the dream garden, not the usual pavilion but the grass area. He must be asleep when studying for both school and _gaokao_ preparation. When he tried to sit, a hand stopped him in the chest.

"Don't,"

Kun glanced beside him, "Lucas," The name slipped past his mouth in bare whisper.

"I know what you feel," Sadness was very unusual for Lucas. It didn't suit him the same as anger and hatred, "But you should rest—and relaxing or going outside. Don't force yourself every day,"

"Okay,"

"Promise?"

"Pinky promise,"

They chuckled together as their pinky finger entwined.

"Anyway, what are you aiming for? Tsinghua? Peking?" Lucas asked, lying his body to the side, facing him.

Kun looked at the foggy sky up there, "I've always wanted to study in Beijing. I don't mind which university I will go to. It doesn't have to be Peking or Tsinghua. As long as it's in Beijing,"

Because he had set his mind, he would leave this place. He would start a new life in Beijing.

Lucas snuggled closer to him before the taller young man cuddled him, "I will miss you," he mumbled as he planted a kiss on his cheek.

"We can't meet in a dream like this?"

"I'm bound here. I can't go to other places outside my home," Before Kun responsed, Lucas seemed to remember something and continued, "Actually, there's one way. But it's very risky. I'm, well let's say, traumatized with it,"

Kun frowned in confusion as they stared at each other.

"You know why I couldn’t go to Heaven?"

Oh, right. Kun had been wondering about it since long ago, "Because of the accident?" 

"No," Lucas bit his lips nervously, eyes didn't dare to meet Kun's, "I’ve done a big mistake ... and they cursed me to walk on earth forever,"

"What did you do?"

Kun shivered as he anticipated the answer.

Lucas looked at him again.

His face was unreadable.

"I was trying to live again,"

...

As Kun surrendered to the sleepiness on the way back home from the _gaokao_ place, he found himself standing close to Lucas. His fiance held his hands, eyes gentle and wise, unlike the usual ones that vivid of emotions.

Calm and affectionate. It really suited him, like happiness. 

Because Kun saw Lucas as Yang, not Yin. 

"You did well for these two days, Kun,"

Kun nodded, cheeks flushed, "Thank you," 

"I hope you're accepted to the university that you choose,"

Kun nodded again, firmly this time.

"Thanks for staying with me. Thanks for filling my loneliness. I will miss you. Please don't forget to visit,"

That's when everything started to crumble apart inside Kun.

Lucas had been a good company for him. He was nice, he was funny, he always listened to him, he took care of him,

He lov—

Kun tried to make his smile not looked forced, "Alright,"

—but it was complicated when you start to love back a dead fiance whose family trapped you in the wrong kind of marriage that made your life miserable.

Soon Lucas would know and Kun didn't have another choice.

He had to leave him.

...

Kun couldn’t be happier. He passed the _gaokao_ —his ticket for his long-awaited freedom!

He started packing all of his belonging. He had bid farewell to his parents ( _for formality, not that they minded_ ). He had told Mr. Wong and Mrs. Wong about his college plan ( _for formality, not that they minded_ ). Then tomorrow, he would move to Beijing ( _his new home_ ). The faster, the better.

But he forgot that there's still one person left.

Kun stepped back as Lucas slowly approached him, wishing he could run away as far as possible to anywhere. Anywhere but him. 

Because he was never ready to part from Lucas.

"You're not going back?"

He turned his head, couldn’t bear to see the painful betrayal in his face, the tears that close to fall in his eyes. He felt like the worst person in the world for hurting his feelings.

"You gonna leave me alone here?"

"Kun, answer me!"

"What about our marriage?"

"I’m tired," his voice broke as he started sobbing, couldn't hold his pent up emotions any longer.

"I’m tired of always attached to your family, to our forced marriage,"

"But I love you, Kun! I really really love you!" 

"Please don't leave me," Lucas begged, desperate to reach Kun, desperate to keep him from going away forever.

"Don't leave me alone,"

"But I have to,"

"I don’t hate you, Lucas,"

"But I hate your parents! I hate how they force me to marry you and treat me as a prisoner! I hate everyone else that judge and hate me because I'll be married to someone that already dead!" he snapped, tears fell one by one, "I even hate my own parents because they sold me to your parents from the beginning!" 

"I want to be free. I want to be happy,"

_I love you, Lucas._

"I'm sorry,"

_I love you._

"Goodbye,"

"Kun!"

When he woke up, he was surprised to find tears flowing from his eyes.

Then he felt dizzy.

...

The door opened after three knocks from him, revealing a boy around his age in casual cloth.

"Ah, you must be my roommate that Mr. Zhang told before,"

_Tall body, deep voice._

Kun blinking fast, burying the slowly emerged memories, "Yes," he nodded.

"Please come inside,"

He followed him with his backpack. The room was large, the same as his room in Wong's mansion. But instead of one queen-sized bed, there were two full-sized beds.

"That's your bed and desk. The bathroom behind that door. Laundry at the end of the corridor from our room," the boy turned to him again, "If you have any questions, just ask me,"

Kun nodded, "Thank you," he stretched his hand to the boy, "Anyway, my name is Qian Kun from Fujian, math major,"

"I’m Dong Sicheng. I live in Beijing but my hometown is Zhejiang, biology major,"

They shook hands.

Winwin's hand was cold and clammy, it surprised Kun.

Maybe because of the AC.

"Nice to meet you,"

"Nice to meet you, too,"

**Author's Note:**

> Gaokao : An academic examination held annually in the People's Republic of China. This standardized test is a prerequisite for entrance into almost all higher education institutions at the undergraduate level. It is usually taken by students in their last year of senior high school, though there has been no age restriction since 2001. (Wikipedia)  
> Tsinghua and Peking : Top two universities in China, both located in Beijing.
> 
> I've been planning this fic for a long time. The original idea didn't include ghost marriage theme. But after watching The Ghost Bride (Netflix), I was inspired to add the theme for this story.
> 
> So, Kun is supposed to marry Lucas at the beginning of the story. But when I checked the marriage age in China, I was surprised that the minimum age is 22 (in my country it's 19). That's why I change their status from married to fiancee and Kun will officially be married to Lucas after his 22nd birthday. But seems that's not gonna happen. :3 
> 
> Next is, I prefer to use Lucas' Cantonese name instead of his Chinese name. Is it okay for Hongkongese to keep using their Cantonese name when living on the Mainland? I would like to hear your answer.
> 
> Last but not least, Lucas is older two years than Kun here. Kun and the rest of WayV (that will appear next chapter) are the same age.
> 
> Well, that's all.
> 
> Thanks for reading. And see you next chapter. ^^


End file.
